i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize