Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
