You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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