I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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