Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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