Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize