Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
