She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sorry my hands just texted you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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