I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
