Do you still have your period?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
