Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
