Your face is a jimmy john
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
