Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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