Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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