well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
