Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
