then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
