how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
