Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
