If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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