do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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