watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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