next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
