Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
