Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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