I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
