I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
