so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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