Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
