Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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