For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
