she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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