I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
