so that wasnt chicken after all
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
