Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
