I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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