is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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