Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
