Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
