at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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