i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
