I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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