a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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