tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
