He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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