Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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