I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
