Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
