you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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