I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also, beer. Big fan.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
