After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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