When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
