I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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