now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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