your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
