hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
