seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
