My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
