If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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