The maid of honor just puked.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
