Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
