Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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