Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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