I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
