If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
