Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
