when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
