i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
